dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
