My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
