that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
