my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
