Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
