Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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