he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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