Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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