Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i dont even know how to be here
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
