Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
