I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
