but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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