if i can run in heels then i can drive
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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