i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize