Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
