at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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