I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
