Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's blow job season.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
