i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
