Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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