I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
