All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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