You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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