I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
