I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
