My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
