at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
