Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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