i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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