I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Who died my cat blue again?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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