my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
