Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
