I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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