She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I am naked and annoyed.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
