I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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