im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
