he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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