The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
