True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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