If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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