one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
