he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
please come you make the beer taste better
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize