do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
