Sry I called you an 8
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
