he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
