we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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