her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
