If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
