If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize