If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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