You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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