that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
