I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
