dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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