I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
