I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
