theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
