Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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