I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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