You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
