I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think I sprained my soul last night
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
