she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
