Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
