Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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