I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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