I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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