my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
