(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
