Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize