She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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