Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
