saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
