I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
