I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
now i know why i became what i already was.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
