i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Operation Purity has been aborted
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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